by McKenzie Stalkenburg
There comes a time in life where our parents get to a certain stage where they're no longer able to properly look after themselves anymore. This can be a very difficult time for all the family because it's hard to see someone that you love and admire, unable to do what they once could. Having said that, it'll be very hard for them too. Parents don't want to be vulnerable - they're your parents, and they won't ever want to feel any other way. But unfortunately, it's what can happen over time.
When things start to take their toll, you will need to begin thinking about the best way you can look after them to ensure they are safe and getting everything they need.
Looking after them yourself
Now, you can always put yourself forward for the job of looking after them, but it's important that you know that it's full time, especially as time goes on. So anything you do now in terms of work - any social life you may have - you can forget about it.
This isn't said to put you off the idea; it's just vital that you understand what you'd be walking into. A lot of people assume that because it's their parents there's nothing to worry about, if anything, you're just seeing them more often - but this isn't the case at all. It will be very hard, for both you and your parents. They most likely aren't going to want you to look after them, because they're too proud, and this can result in them getting rather angry at themselves, and you, for even having to be in this situation - and that's tough. It will also be very upsetting for you to see your parents like this, because they were once your hero, they were your inspiration - and now they aren't able to wash themselves.
If you still think that this is something you want to do, just remember that there is help out there, and if things start to get too tough and you aren't coping very well anymore - just ask for help.
A nursing home
It's very common for a lot of the older generation to look down on nursing homes - as some of us do. Parents will think that it's just a prison where they're left, waiting to die. They think that they're going to be babied and spoken down to like they're a child, but this is a misconceived idea. The homes out there nowadays are incredible. Firstly, they look like a beautiful holiday resort; the only difference is that it's all people around the same age. The staff are trained properly to deal with all kinds of people, personalities, disabilities, and behaviours, and not only are they professional and know exactly what they're doing, but they provide a friend to your parents. They're there to lend an ear, or to make them laugh, or to encourage them to get involved in activities to cheer them up.
If you were ever worried about the service given, you could always contact nursing home neglect lawyers if you feel as though your parents aren't getting the right standard of care. This is why doing your research beforehand is so important. Never just find the nearest (or cheapest) home because it's ‘convenient’. Look at reviews, find a handful of different places, and visit them all before making a decision. Most importantly - include your parents in the decision making too. They may be old and frail, but at the end of the day, it's where they're going to be living, so if they don't like it - keep looking.
A live-in carer
If you aren't quite ready to move them into a home, but you can't cope with giving up your own life and looking after them full time, then the best option would be to bring in a live-in carer. This is someone that will be trained to look after someone with all sorts of problems, and know exactly what to do in the case of an emergency. Essentially, they will help bathe your parents, cook for them, remind them to take any medication they have, clean their home, and just give them some company when they want it. Carers soon turn into a close friend of the family, and you can imagine why. They're with you through thick and thin, through the troubles, through the dark times, and through the happy ones. And just because you have a live-in carer doesn't mean you can't go and help out - it's just like having a second pair of hands instead.
When looking to hire someone, rather than looking for an independent person, it's always better to go through an agency instead. That way you know for certain that they are fully educated and qualified for the job. There are many different agencies out there, so again it's important you do your research before settling. If you have any other friends or family in the same position as you, ask them if they've heard of any agencies, or know any that they can recommend, as with these kind of circumstances, word of mouth is always more comforting than an online review from a stranger.
Now you have your options, have a long think about what you want to do, but don't go at it alone. You have family and friends you can go to for support, so never think that you're alone. As difficult as this may be, the end goal is to make your parent's life easier and happier. So ask them what they want if possible, and see what they think about the matter. In some cases though, you won't be able to ask as they may not be in the right state of mind to answer or even comprehend the question. If so, then it's just down to you and what you think will be best for them. It's very easy to feel guilty in whatever decision you make, but don't beat yourself up. This is just life.