by Jason Provencio

I had never personally known a mental health care professional prior to meeting my Bride. My knowledge of therapists was limited to what I’d seen in movies and television, like Analyze This, What About Bob?, and The Sopranos. We started dating at the end of 2011, after foraging a short, fun online friendship on Facebook. I loved how humorous and hilarious her posts were, and our messages back and forth were the same. What was equally as impressive, was her kindness, positivity, and caring for humanity.

Over the years, I observed her posts on social media about the mental health field, reading each and every one, with interest and pride. She was kind, insightful, and humorous with her various posts about experiences in the field. And how her clients could make things interesting, delightful, hilarious, or frustrating. I have picked up some knowledge about the mental health field and its participants.

1. Many People Just Don’t Listen. As funny as this sounds when you are paying for counseling and talking to a therapist weekly or bi-weekly, it does happen. People are often in a hurry to get their next thought out or relate something my Bride is telling them to something they personally know about. Some of them are in relationships where their partner is the dominant one. When given a chance to finally converse in a safe place, it’s easier for them to talk than to listen.

2. Some Clients Have A Hard Time Sharing. Similar to topic #1, but the opposite. You are paying good money to your therapist. Logic would dictate that you spill it. Perhaps not everything at once, but maybe a detail here, some info there. Once in a while, she has to work extra hard to get a client to open up and discuss their problems or issues. But when it happens, the flood gates are often opened and it all comes spilling out.

3. Religion Causes Many People To Make Unhealthy Choices. I’m not too surprised about this one, personally. I was raised by a minister who pastored numerous churches during our formative years. And as well as my parents meant, they sure pulled some things I’d never consider doing as a parent. Especially as it relates to physical punishment, guilt-tripping, threats of burning in Hell, and a number of other things. Clients with a strict religious background and children usually have a number of issues that are detrimental to the child’s mental health. And if said child has LGBTQ tendencies or curiosity, watch out. Most religious parents are NOT good with learning this about their children. It is tragic to not have your immediate and extended family’s support about such a major part of your life. This is a major contributing factor to the high suicide rates among LGBTQ people.

4. Numerous Clients Refuse To Stop Coming To Therapy. This may be the biggest surprise I’ve learned, being married to my therapist Bride. How often she’s mentioned trying to graduate a client from therapy, and them not feeling comfortable agreeing to stop therapy. Many will ask if they can still return less frequently, or if something big or scary happens in their life down the road. And as big of a heart as she has, she always agrees that it’s ok with her.

5. People Say The Damndest Things In Counseling. Over the 20 plus years that she’s been doing this as her chosen career, she’s heard it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But even more importantly, the hilarious. The triumphant. The changes her clients have made for the better and have stuck to long-term. I’ve been calling her “The Teen Whisper” for most of the ten years we’ve been a couple because she’s so good at getting through to the kids. They love her because she’s kind. She cares. She validates their opinions and thoughts while challenging them and calling them on their issues. She’s inappropriate once in a while, with curse words or jokes. They trust her because, in their minds, she’s one of THEM.

6. Kids Make Poor Choices, Parents Often Make WORSE Ones. Kids are going to make mistakes. That’s part of growing up. My Bride often references that a human brain isn’t fully developed prior to the age of 25 to 26 years old. Consequently, bad choices will happen. As parents, we can make the poor choices better or worse. Caring, loving parenting versus yelling, overreacting, and forgetting what it was like to once be that age can make a bad situation far worse.

Be good to yourselves and your children. Life is short. Take care of your own mental health, as well as your family’s. It can be just as important as taking care of your physical health. Often, even more so.