By Jerry Mooney

With Trump and his tribe creating enough blur among the faces that need the most punched, it is becoming more challenging to find faces that stand out. And, once again, Trump can’t qualify every day, even though...blah blab blah. Starting today, there will be an addition to Most Punchable Faces, The Most Kissable Face. Before you freak out and start sexual harrassment allegations, this is merely a recognition of someone who did something worth recognizing and contrasts the anguish caused by those who need their faces punched.

Here are our three most punchable faces along with our most kissable one:

#3 Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III

Photo courtesy of Newsweek

Yes, Sessions is at similar risk to Trump for his frequent forays into the punchable realm. He rarely does anything that makes his face less punchable. He did a weird straddle recently, where he didn’t resign despite pressure from Jabba the Trump. By staying put, he has effectively blocked Trump from firing Mueller, which seems worthy of a kiss (blech). However, in doing so, he is emboldened to promote his racist and explosive law enforcement policies.

Until recently, Sessions assault on American justice has been in the expected areas: sentencing, warfare on ethnic Americans, disregard for state laws regarding legalization of marijuana and an aggressive enforcement of any law that is implicitly racist, but not explicitly...you know, the usual. But today, he took it further, by targeting college affirmative action. The program that was designed to help level the playing field created by decades of inequality, is now in the southerner’s crosshairs. They are claiming that affirmative action unconstitutionally discriminates against whites. Welp, your face is punched. You are not only further tilting inequality in our country, but you are reinforcing the false narrative that whites are put upon and discriminated against. BAM!

#2 Rex Tillerson or Rexxon Valdez

Photo courtesy of Politico

Rex has the potential for his face to appear here far too often. The former (seems more technically true than true true) Exxon CEO does plenty to warrant punching his face. Beyond his historic obfuscation and conspiracy to deny fossil fuel’s role in climate change and their impacts, Rexy has also been very cozy with Russia (Note: he was the only other American in the room when Trump met Putin at G20). Not only does Exxon stand to gain from a half TRILLION dollars worth of oil if the US can negotiate the tricky political waters that have forced a developmental freeze on certain physically frozen area of the Arctic. If Rex can warm this situation up, Exxon stands to profit more than ever and that’s saying a lot, coming from the most profitable industry in the history of humankind.  

Because of this, Rex declined to spend $80 million that was allocated by congress to counter propaganda proliferated by Russia and ISIS. WTF????  This money will expire if not spent by September 30 and will have simply been wasted. Tillerson contends that combating Russian propaganda would anger Moscow. I guess the mosaic continues to sharpen. These guys are in either deep in the Russian pockets or vice versa. Rex, consider your face punched!

Before we get to the MOST punchable face, here is the debut of our most kissable face:

Most Kissable Face: Admiral Paul Zukunft

Admiral Zukunft of the Coast Guard declared that they would not “break faith” with transgender members. This flies in the face of Trump’s tweet indicating that transgender personnel would no longer be allowed to serve in the military in any capacity.

Admiral Zukunft, consider your face kissed!

#1 Representative Joe Walsh

In an attempt to normalize and therefore undermine the impact of Trump’s perpetual lying, Joe Walsh tweeted:

This narrative about being honest about not being honest is like greasing the slide into Orwellian hell. Stop it Joe. You always have a very punchable face, but today, yours is the MOST PUNCHABLE!